David

come back soon!

Ok, David running behind with Bio info.. Inspiration running low... here are some (not intended to cause offence) jokes...

"Dad, I want to learn Tenor Drum in a bagpipe band."

"Wouldn't you rather play a musical instrument?"

Why are drum jokes so short?

So drummers can understand them.

How do you tell the difference between a drummer and a dog?

The dog knows when to stop scratching.

What's the difference between a tenor drum and a bagpipe?

No-one minds if you spill beer on a tenor drum.

David was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert. "There's not much room on this page," he said. "What shall I write?"

Another drummer, standing by, offered the following helpful hint: "Write your repertoire."

How do you make a tenor drum sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy some bagpipes.

Why was the tenor drum invented?

So David would have a place to put his beer.

How do you get two drummers to play in unison?

Shoot one.

What is the dynamic range of the tenor drum?

On and Off

What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?

A drummer.

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?

Drool.

How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?

The knock always slows down. Then gets faster and faster and faster.

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

With a drum machine you only have to punch the information in once.

Heard backstage: "Will the musicians and David please come to the stage!"

How do you put a sparkle in a a tenor drummer's eye?

Shine a flashlight in his ear.

If you took all the tenors in the world and laid them end to end, it would be a good idea.

How do you tell if a tenor drummer is actually dead?

Hold out a $100 bill (but don't be fooled: a slight, residual spasmodic clutching action may occur even hours after death has occurred).

What do you say to a tenor player in a three-piece suit?

"Will the defendant please rise?"

Did you hear about the tenor drummer who was so bad that even the pipe major noticed?

What's the difference between a tenor and a snare drum?

A tenor drum burns hotter; a snare drum burns longer.

"Hey, buddy, how late do the drummers play?"

"Oh, about half a beat behind..."

What do you do with a piper that can't play?

Give him two sticks, put him in the back, and call him a percussionist.

A tenor drummer from Indianapolis went to the post office to buy stamps for his Christmas cards. He said to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

The clerk asked, "What denomination?"

The tenor drummer said, "God help us! Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."